My Magnum Opus

Today marks 1 year since my life was forever changed by a phone call.

It kick started my international adoption journey into high gear and gave me my most important title yet, Mommy!

Just 12 weeks from that phone call; the first mention of her name, I held her in my arms.

My daughter Imani Ruth

Our very first meeting ~ June 29, 2013

I wrote this back in November 2013.

Imani adds a great deal of joy and laughter to my life. She is amazing and resilient. Her presence in my life came so quickly and so perfectly timed. She also adds challenges and obstacles that have put me in an occasional tailspin. Being a parent is the best and most challenging gift I've ever received. And with it, God has revealed to me how much I need Him, and His people.

So, as it turns out, I am not a Superhero. Becoming a mom has put the ki-bosh to this charade. I fail. Miserably. Everyday. I am no longer the organized multi-tasker I used to be. Multitask? I can't even task these days!

I left my sisters house with no shoes on. As in, left my shoes at her house, to go to a public place. I didn't even realize I was driving with no shoes until I was closer to the appointment than to her house. I pack my daughters gear for outings and sleep overs, but forget to pack my own. I remember my toothbrush, only cause it's next to hers. I've left my house without my cell phone, my girl's school bag, and so many other things. I've taken to writing things down or dictating to Siri, who can remind me when I get to a location.

Then there is this little person who NEEDS my undivided attention, right when I feel I need to concentrate on something I have previously deemed important.

"No go n-e-wear ok Mommy?" from the toilet (where she sits for ages, especially in the middle of mealtime) and appreciates an audience. Mine, that is.
"Mommy wer-ah you goin?" if I try to sneak away to clean up, organize, or get one more thing done.
"Mommy, you ok?!" if all is quiet for 5-10 seconds and I'm not in her sight.
"Mommy look! Mommy look! Mommy look!" from the living room 10 seconds into my shower.
"Mommy sit!" Says the little one from the table as I try to prepare, set out or clean up dinner.

How do I complete tasks/remember/be a superhero with this competition?! How could I do it alone? I don't. I can't. I'm not. I'm leaning on God to handle the details, the stress and anxiety. I'm learning to care about them less and focus on the most important little person in front of me. My house is messy but my girl is loved. She is going to figure out sooner rather than later, if she hasn't already, that I'm not a superhero. No need to keep up appearances right?! :)

What I am is Imani's mommy; her fiercest advocate and her biggest fan. Superheroes have nothing on this gig!


Fast forward 5 months and I've moved beyond the foggy brain. I'm doing better at remembering and multitasking. We are a team and she likes to help me :) Her English has EXPLODED and she now asks "Mommy what's that mean?!" She's a sponge, listening and watching EVERYTHING I do, then questioning it.  She likes to throw me curve balls too, like "Mommy, can Jesus come here? I want to SEE Him!" My personal favorite is when she throws my words back at me. "Mommy, Downing's DON'T waste!" She's onto Papa, who shows his love by giving change and buying ice cream or candy. She reminded me "Mammy can fix it" when her pants ripped. She told me to call Aunt Tanya when we needed something once, cause Aunt Tanya has something for everything.

Aunt Tracy and Uncle Ben are like second parents, keeping Imani before and after school, teaching her balance (life and literally) and LOVE!

Cousins Quinn 1, and Johanna 11, provide sibling-like relationships for my girl. She loves them fiercely, and fights fiercely with them!

Quinny adores his 'Mani. He thinks she's supposed to be with him everyday. Aunt Trina and Uncle Rob host us lots of weekends so they can have their QT.

Aunt Tricia spoils her to no end! I guess that's her job! Isaac and Liam think she's pretty great too!

Swimming at Sunday River with Hannah, Johanna and Drew

Music continues to be a great learning source for her. She sings and dances to music of all kinds. I love hearing her sing her little heart out and get excited when she hears a song she knows, out of the context she's used to hearing it in. She's seen Frozen 3 times now and has Let It Go memorized. She started piano lessons too! 

Any chance she gets to be with her people, she takes it. Sleep overs, dinners, shopping, hanging out, playing outside in the snow, anything really. She's been ice skating, snowmobiling, and sledding. She doesn't mind the cold and just keeps wanting more! And enjoying herself. Always enjoying herself! :)  She loves the iPad and iPhone because FaceTime is just another way to be in touch with her people. And take selfies or watch YouTube. 

There is this description of an artist's greatest achievement called Magnum Opus.  My Magnum Opus was actually created by God and on loan from Him, but she is by far the best gift I've ever been entrusted with. She's one of a kind and this child, who I get to call my daughter (I still can't really believe it) has forever changed me!

We have been blessed by change, growth, beauty, lessons learned the hard way, and SO. MUCH. LOVE! It hasn't always been easy or pretty, but its all been worth it. So glad God chose me to be Imani's Mommy.

One phone call.

One year ago.

One very special little girl.

Thank You God for my resilient, smart, brave, strong, kind (and most recently a dash of naughty) little lady! I love you to Africa and back Imani Ruth Downing!

I Love You to Africa and Back!

I was exhausted the other night after a long day. We usually read as many books as Imani can negotiate, but I just wanted to turn the light off and snuggle my girl.  "How about Mommy tells you a story and you try to imagine the pictures in your head?" She agreed with enthusiasm so I turned out the light, snuggled my girl thisclose, and began:

Once upon a time there was a girl named Tarsha. 

Giggle, giggle. 

She was feeling like it was time to do something bigger than her. 

BIG Mommy?!

Yes, BIG Imani Ruth!  Life was good but she was not content in just flying by the seat of her pants so much anymore. It was time for something BIG. She prayed and God told her adoption was indeed the next step in His plan for her. She knew right away there was a little girl in Uganda that was her daughter! She wondered about what that little girl was doing in that very moment and imagined what she looked like too!

Africa? Uganda? {giggling}

She decided this little girl's name was Imani. It means faith in Swahili, a language spoken in Uganda. 

Me!!

So she got all her paperwork together (it was A LOT OF PAPERWORK) and tried to plan for when she would become a mom. On Sunday, April 7, 2013 at 7pm Tarsha got a call from her social worker Sharon in Florida. Sharon said she wanted to tell her about a little 4 year old girl. 

Mommy, Imani 5!!!

"But you were 4 when I got the call," I said smiling!  This is where it became more intimate, with me as her Mommy telling her our story.

Sharon told me all about you and then a couple days later she sent me a picture.  I couldn't stop looking at it or wait to finally meet you.  I had to wait 11 weeks before I could travel to Africa.

On June 29, 2013 at 10:15am Kampala, Uganda time, we finally met! Do you remember when I came to the children's home to get you?

Yes! And Danny!

Yes, Danny did come with Mommy to pick you up. We took you back to the guesthouse and you took a looooong nap!  Then we all stayed in Uganda for almost 7 more weeks.  We went to court twice, the lawyers office, Cafe Roma, the tooth doctor, the ear doctor, the American embassy, the American Club, on safari, to the equator, the zoo, and we made some really great friends!

Farouk! {smiling}

Yes! Farouk! He wasn't just our driver, but our life saver there wasn't he? Farouk knew where everything was and he helped us find what we needed! He took great care of us and that's why we still thank God every night for him!

Mommy, Farouk Uganda?

Yes, he is still in Uganda. He lives there and helps other new families like he helped us.  But if all works as Mommy hopes, we can see him in America next summer!

Smiles

Then on August 14, 2013 after getting your very important paperwork from the American Embassy, we finally got to get on a plane home to America! Well four planes actually, until we were finally here right?! Imani liked the planes; we ate in the sky and watched movies! Now we are home; you go to kindergarten and you have a family that really really loves you!

Giggles

So, that's our story thus far my girl.  And when I tell you I love you to Africa and back, its a true story!

Why Mommy?

Oh my girl...

For mobile

My Hope is in You God, but my Joy is in...

...Bulgaria (with Randall)! Far, far away! My great friend Joy (as in the Joy in Harper Joy) went to Bulgaria with her husband Randall for 27 months. They joined the Peace Corp and are now pursuing their passions of travel and service work. I am very happy for them and I know they are happy too, but I miss them! We have Skyped and texted, but its not the daily chitchat we are used to. The plan is to meet up next summer in Bulgaria and travel to Greece. I'm quite excited for that!

A little trip down memory lane...

Pool party

Halloween (Fancy Nancy and a Lightbulb)

Polo Match


Ipswich Triathlon

July 4th


Camping in New Hampshire


Building Harper Joy

3Day Walk Boston


A trip to Maine

Andrew and Amanda's wedding

Rob Bell in Boston

Boston

Mustard and Ketchup :) ~ My 28th birthday

I love you guys! Miss you and think of you often. I pray your time in Bulgaria is blessed with many lessons and experiences. My hope is that you'll enjoy yourselves, learn A LOT, your marriage will continue to blossom, and in 26 months (1 month down!) you'll return to Massachusetts!

Dear God,

Thank You for placing these two wonderful people in my life when You did. They have both been such a blessing to me, as friends and family. Their love of You and their walk with You inspires me to be more Christ like. Their honesty and unconditional love for me has been amazing. Its been such an adventurous journey with them in my community. I cherish all of our memories made so far and I look forward to many more. Please keep them safe and happy God, and stay close during the hard times. Fill their Peace Corps journey with lots of joy, faith, hope, and love. And please squeeze me in there too!

In Jesus Name,

Amen

And Baby belongs to...

My best friend Allison, her husband Mike, and Big Brother Damon!

A new special little person...

debuting in my life in September...around my birthday! I'll reveal his/her parents when I get permission! But I was too excited to wait!

I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know it's true
You're a masterpiece
That all creation quietly applauds
And you're covered with the fingerprints of God

Never has there been and never again
Will there be another you
Fashioned by God's hand
And perfectly planned
To be just who you are
And what He's been creating
Since the first beat of your heart
Is a living breathing priceless work of art

Just look at you
You're a wonder in the making
Oh, and God's not through, no
In fact, He's just getting started.

~Stephen Curtis Chapman, Fingerprints of God

Tarsha's Barn Raising

I have mentioned before that I make grand plans with all the details. Then God says "Tarsha now that your done planning, let me show you the plans I have for you". And His are always better!

Last week kept throwing me curve balls for my tiny house build. Location, materials, people couldn't come, weather, etc. I was very stressed and had a few pity parties for myself, some in the presence of others. My original builder got paid work and my Mimi's land is having work done, so I was left without a foreman, tools or location. At times I was convinced it just wasn't suppose to happen this weekend, but I wanted it SO VERY BAD still. To make a long story short, and to get to the good stuff, Saturday came and I was amazed.



It was built at my Uncle Norm and Aunt Lulu's home. Norm is a brilliant, knowledgeable, and master of all trades kind of guy. He helped me decide on materials and has given me priceless info and resources. He offered his home and tools, with the understanding he may not be there.



Joy, Randall, and Aaron came from Massachusetts to help start my Harper Joy. They built up from the trailer, insulating and creating my beautiful hardwood floor. Aaron also helped the children 'build'.



My friend (and groom for my trash the dress photos) Tim came to help built.



My sister Tracy came, took pictures, made and served a Taco Soup lunch. Ben came, took some pictures and nailed a few nails before he had to leave for a Greek exam.



My Mom came and brought lunch, pumpkin bread, and her husband Dan to help build.



My sister Tricia came and helped build the floor while her children 'built' a table with scrap wood, Styrofoam insulation and LOTS of nails.



My sister Tanya came with chex mix and pumpkin bread and her children who also helped 'build' and keep the place tidied up. Later she went on a run for yummy Wallingford's donuts and cider for my crew!



My sister Trina came for moral support with her husband Rob who helped frame the second wall.



One of my best friend Allison came to take pictures and video to capture it all. We made the first run to Home Depot for supplies and I showed her the shower I wanted. On the next run she made 2 hours later for more 2X4s, I whispered something to her as she left! I was elated when she returned with my shower!



My cousins Beth and Dave came and worked on windows and framing the walls for them.



My Dad came between work shifts and helped insulate my floor air tight!



And did I mention Norm was there all day and ran the show?! He must have heard his name 300 times as all my people looked to him for what to do next, how to do something, or where a certain tool was. He was so efficient, kind, and welcoming to all of us.



Several times I stopped what I was doing, looked around and thought 'these people are all here to help me build my home.' They came to work hard for something I want. They brought themselves and their resources here today to do something for me?! Wow, I am abundanlty blessed. I couldn't thank people enough. Some would say they didn't do much, but being there was enough. I joked that I wasn't tallying, and if I was Norm would win hands down anyway! :)



It was getting dark, we had completed all that could get done and so people went home. Norm, Aaron and I went to dinner REALLY close to Home Depot. After we ate, I busted out some paper to talk about supplies and the next steps. Well, once I started chatting and drawing, I giggled and asked the boys if they just wanted to head on over to Home Depot, since we were so close and all. :) They didn't mind, and so my pocketbook made its way there for the thrid trip of the day! It beat any shopping trip I have ever been on! We got all the supplies for my porch, an addition to my tiny home Norm suggested and I love.

Mark joined Aaron, Norm and I on Sunday, as did my Aunt Lulu. We finshed the walls, started putting up siding, and created tresses for the roof! I'll be there with bells on bright and early Friday morning with Mark....and whomever else might like to join!

Thanks again to my family and friends who came, gave of yourself, and made this girl feel very special! I love you!

525, 600 Minutes ~ How do you measure a year in the life?

I knew my 27th year was going to be big, (after all I planned it) I just didn't know how BIG! While it wasn't what I planned, I couldn't have planned it any better, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. The only thing I can say about it is that I have been blessed beyond measure by Him, and to Him be all the glory!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
I thought my big plans of nannying in Massachusetts, hearing Elizabeth Gilbert speak, seeing Steven Curtis Chapman and Michael W. Smith in concert, online dating, going to New Zealand and Guatemala, and graduating with my Masters Degree were going to be big deals in 2008/2009, but instead He knows the plans He has for me.

Let's start with my job, i.e. the best job opportunity in the world for me! I signed on in September 2008 for a yearlong nanny position with a wonderful family, great kids, and options for planning activities, housing and health insurance included, with parents who love their children and are supportive of school and time off for me. The children and parents both have great boundaries and respect for my space and time. I love Matthew and Aliya like my own niece and nephew and miss them when I’m away. I often think, at times such as skiing with Matt, at the American Girl store with Aliya, camping in Maine with them or sitting by the pool watching them swim "is this really what I get paid to do?" I appreciate the children, my time with them and my position. Not only is it my job, but practice for when/if I have a family of my own. In December 2008, I negotiated the year long nanny contract to include: a 4 month extension until December 2009, with a promise to help fill my position when I leave, and they would pay for one master’s course. It was a win-win situation, especially in this economy, to be blessed with a great position I LOVE and more job security for the future. He knows the plans He has for me.


I knew I needed a church community when I moved to Massachusetts, so I did my research before moving. I found a few close to my new home and made plans to check them out ASAP. Now, when I say church, I mean I knew I needed to go to the church and hear His word and grow in my faith. I didn’t think beyond that or have any more expectations. I church shopped for 2 weeks and met a couple who referred me to another church, which had a young adult group starting called Bridge. That group Bridge is now my church, in the community sense of church as God intended. I have since spent immeasurable amounts of time within this group, and with the individuals I now call my friends. We have been worshiping Him, hearing His word, studying His word, camping, at the beach, at the pool, started a book club, playing games, chatting in person and on Facebook for hours on end, bowling, eating, giving and receiving advice, planning and executing events, and all while nurturing my relationship with Him. He knows the plans He has for me.

I was afforded the opportunity to go Guatemala in December, but due to snowy weather it was rescheduled to February. If we had gone in December, Safe Passage would have been closed. I would not have been able to see the sites, the children or the organization during its normal daily activities. I got a tour of the facilities, met the children, saw the dump where they work and the atmosphere of what 6 weeks of service might look like down there. I was overcome and speechless by what I saw. I came to the realization that I didn’t want to go there alone and work with the kids, but instead needed to do service alongside others I knew and I would work better with the adult programming at Safe Passage. That was 6 months ago and I haven’t revisited it yet. He knows the plans He has for me.
The spring 2009 New Zealand trip I had anticipated with my friend Sarah was canceled due to a change of plans. It wasn’t very long after that while chatting with one of my best friends Jaimee, that my Aruba vacation was booked. $600 for 7 days/7 nights at the Marriott and a flight was exception ably cheap and the opportunity was taken! I spent time with Jaimee, which is not easily attained with both of our busy lives, met and enjoyed some of her nurse friends, played hard, relaxed a bit and had one happy week on “One Happy Island’. Although I had New Zealand, with a pit stop in Sydney, Australia in mind, He knows the plans He has for me.

I didn’t graduate in the spring of 2009, as I have one more class left. I was going to go to South Africa with a cultural leadership study abroad program, but have since changed my mind. I was excited to get a chance to go to Africa and jumped at the opportunity. However, the time has come to apply and my feelings have changed. When I think of Africa, I think of my Somali students back during my VISTA post. I want to go where they lived and serve the people there. While it would still be a wonderful opportunity, I am not nearly as excited about it and think I will hold out, save my money and graduate in the spring of 2010 alongside one of my best friends, Allison. Also, I might just be in Peru joining my sister and brother-in-law to bring home a couple new nieces early next spring, so I must save for that! He knows the plans He has for me.

My cousin Tia walked 60 miles for a 3Day Breast Cancer walk in Philadelphia in October 2008. Our Aunt Barb died of breast cancer in the 1970s so we never met her, but she was so very special to her brothers, our fathers. After raising some support and awareness for her, and then hearing about her experience, I decided I too wanted to embrace this opportunity to raise support and awareness for the cause. Thus my 3 Day journey began. I started walking in March with Joy, a Bridge friend I met in January 2 weeks after she got married and moved here from South Carolina. My employers bought me a double stroller to push the kids in while we walked at the mall. 42 very special people sponsored me as I raised $2300 towards the cause. My father was my biggest fan and supporter and it felt great to honor his sister in that way. I surprised myself by walking 20 miles the first day and I have to say, I was proud of me! My mother came and walked with me, my four sisters, brother by law and cousin came to cheer me on Sunday, and some of my Bridge friends, including Joy, came to the finish line and closing ceremonies. I ended up walking 50 of the 60 miles due to blisters, but I finished and will be doing it next year with my father on the crew, and maybe even as a part of the San Diego walk! He knows the plans He has for me.

I was given 2 weeks paid vacation at the end of August when my employers take their vacation. When I found out I decided I too must take a vacation. Where will I go? Well my friend Katie lives in Los Angeles and had said I could come for a visit. I wrote her with the dates I wanted to come and booked the tickets the next day. I spent 5 days in Los Angeles with Katie, who was the best hostess ever! We crammed in so much in those 5 days that I have wanted to see forever and had such an amazing time. He knows the plans He has for me.

The summer of 2009 should probably have its own song in the soundtrack of my life, much like Brian Adam’s summer of ’69. While music and falling in love aren’t the topics of my summer of ’09 song, it has been some of the best days of my life. I went camping on my Mimi’s 100 acres and with my Bridge friends, had numerous cookouts with family and friends, spent time at pools, lakes, and oceans (Atlantic and Pacific), walked in the 3Day, had my 10 year high school reunion, saw Blue Man Group, went to Los Angeles and most importantly, I did this all while being single. I dated me and filled my single scrapbook with all things Tarsha! He knows the plans He has for me.

I planned my year; I filled it with adventures, destinations, and some dating experiences too. He had bigger opportunities and obstacles for me though. I grow and learn so much from each of the experiences. I prayed for patience and He’s coming through for me. I think He needs to hurry up sometimes, but given my plans verses His plans for this past year, I’m going to practice this patience thing a bit longer! For He knows the plans He has for me!


Dear God,
You are an amazingly beautiful and wonderful designer! You know my needs and wants when I cannot even identify them. You know my future and that of my friends and family too. I am so thankful that my parents made God a part of my life and that my faith is in you. Thank you God for all of the opportunities I have been given in this past year alone. Thank you for the awesome people you have placed in my life and the not so awesome ones you placed there for me to learn from. Thank you for keeping me healthy and able to walk in the 3Day when others weren’t afforded the chance. Thank you for providing me with the people and funds to participate and the support along the way that kept me going. Thank you for this wonderful job you gave me that is preparing me to be a mother and allowing me to work through all my fears around it. Thank you for the grace you have bestowed upon me as I make some of the same mistakes over and over and over again. I am a work in progress and long to get it right, but I stumble and you lift me up. Did I mention I feel like I don’t deserve this? I am abundantly blessed Lord and I know you deserve all the glory. This life isn’t about me and I long to serve you anywhere anytime. Thank you for the happiness and the smile I wake up with each day and the people I get to share it with. I know how very lucky I am to be blessed with my health, my socioeconomic status, my family, friends, and even my skin color. I am trying not to take these for granted Lord, and I am asking you now to keep me focused and centered on you and your will for my life. Please be with my friends and family that don’t know you like I do, that they might come to and be eternally grateful.

In Jesus name,
Amen

P.S. You know I’m serious about going anyplace anytime to serve your people. I know you have plans for me better than I can imagine.

All Things Hollywood ~ One Sassy Time

I went to Los Angeles to visit Katie and do all things Hollywood. In no particular order...Went to the Santa Monica Pier and rode the ferris wheel Got pictures my favorite way, in the photobooth of course :)

Met Madeline and Matt Logelin

I got some bangs

Saw Michael Jackson's star

Drank some marvelous martinis

Went shopping

Went out on the town, not just once

Not only twice

But THREE nights in a row!
With one of those being out to The Beauty Bar

Got TWO $25 massages

Window shopped on Rodeo Drive Baby!
And last, but not least, enjoyed myself immensly and had the best hostess ever! Thanks Katie!