Friday, June 3, 2011

Oh the people you meet...

Meet Ms. Security Crossing Guard Lady

(picture from google to protect the privacy of the real one, but she closely resembles her)

In the past 8 months I have had many encounters with a certain crossing guard. Like twice a day four days a week worth of them! You see, my morning 'Driver' job for little girls to preschool and daycare has me passing one school twice in a matter of 15 minutes. Its a busy time of the morning commute and the 20MPH sign is flashing through the school zone both ways. It must be said that while it was a busy time, and it is a school zone, I hardly saw many children at all. I rarely had to stop for her to do her actual crossing duty.

Since the beginning, she has enjoyed scolding me, or at least that is how I felt about the whole situation! She takes her job very seriously people! I almost recommended her for security at the royal wedding! I know the importance of driving carefully, especially in a school zone during peak times, and I appreciate her job, but my oh my did this lady get on my nerves!

Let me explain. She wears her bright lime green security vest, her top hat and dark sunglasses that resemble the ones police wear accessorized with enough authority to run the country! Her eyes are constantly staring someone down, her brow in a frown of disappointment and her hands pointing at a car with her famous condescending SLOW DOWN* wave. Just this week for the first time, I got a 2 and a 0 thrown at me!! Two weeks ago when it was raining, I got the closed umbrella pointed right at the 20MPH sign! Oh ya, she means business!

The first time, back in the fall, when she deemed my speed more than 20MPH, I felt bad and wanted to disappear. Her scolding had me shaking in my boots! Then in the very same week, as I kept my eyes darting back and forth furiously between the road and my speedometer to make sure it was 19MPH or less, I got her condescending slow down wave. Well Ms. Security Crossing Guard Lady, I wasn't going over the speed limit!! For those of you who know me well, I'm okay with admitting when I am wrong. As a young child I pretty much weighed the consequences with the actions, and if the actions seemed worth the consequences, well I went ahead and did it. I even reminded my mother to spank me when we returned home. But I digress. I wasn't speeding and Ms. Security Crossing Guard Lady didn't even appreciate my 19MPH or less when I was doing it!

This winter I tried to make friends with her in my head. I tried to ignore her condescending slow down wave, and her scowl, and her head shaking, and her pointing, etc etc. I almost got her a hot chocolate on a freezing cold day when I felt bad she was out there in the frigidness. Then I pictured her refusing it, assuming I spit or put something else in it. Some days I smiled at her while she gestured her usual gestures. Some days I completely ignored her, while others I went 21 MPH just because. Oh, I can be passive aggressive with the best of them! Other days I did 18MPH because I wanted to see what she'd do with that. Let's just say she wasn't very consistent in her guessing of my MPH, and quite frankly, that got to me! Mind you, I was rarely the only car in line, and while we made eye contact many days, these gestures were not just for me. She's generous!

So all this to say, yesterday was my final day as 'Driver'. I no longer have to see Ms. Security Crossing Guard Lady and her many gestures of, well, safety for the kids, I hope!

*She is mouthing it as well, but I'm pretty sure she wants you to hear her yelling it at YOU!

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