REPOST: "I will wait for you" by Poet JANETTE...IKZ

First, I LOVE this poem. Second, how did this girl know my story? Oh I'm not the only one whose impatient and takes things into her own hands?! My favorite words come in the criteria she sets for knowing when its 'him' and the promises of where she'll be. Last but not least, I am reminded {AGAIN} that I need to die to self. EVERY.DAY. And I'll be busy while I wait, because these Ladies have BIG shoes to fill.

And I will know you

Because when you speak

I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom

Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses

Your faith will remind me of Abraham

Your confidence in God’s word will remind me of Daniel

Your inspiration will remind me of Paul

Your heart for God will remind me of David

Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah

Your integrity will remind me of Joseph

And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples.

But your ability to love selfishly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ.

...

And you will know me and you will find me

Where the boldness of Ester meets the warm closeness of Ruth

Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary

Which is engulfed with the tears of a praying Hannah

I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31, waiting for you.

But, to my Father, who has known me before I was birthed into this earth

Only if You should see fit.

I desire Your will above mine

So even if You call me to a life of singleness, my heart is content with You.

The One who Is.

You are the greatest love story ever told, the greatest love ever known.

You are forever my judge and I am forever Your witness.

And I pray that I am always found on a mission about my Father’s business.

I will always be Yours.

And I will always wait for You Lord

More than the watchmen wait for the morning.

More than the watchmen wait for the morning,

I will wait.

525, 600 Minutes ~ How do you measure a year in the life?

I knew my 27th year was going to be big, (after all I planned it) I just didn't know how BIG! While it wasn't what I planned, I couldn't have planned it any better, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. The only thing I can say about it is that I have been blessed beyond measure by Him, and to Him be all the glory!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
I thought my big plans of nannying in Massachusetts, hearing Elizabeth Gilbert speak, seeing Steven Curtis Chapman and Michael W. Smith in concert, online dating, going to New Zealand and Guatemala, and graduating with my Masters Degree were going to be big deals in 2008/2009, but instead He knows the plans He has for me.

Let's start with my job, i.e. the best job opportunity in the world for me! I signed on in September 2008 for a yearlong nanny position with a wonderful family, great kids, and options for planning activities, housing and health insurance included, with parents who love their children and are supportive of school and time off for me. The children and parents both have great boundaries and respect for my space and time. I love Matthew and Aliya like my own niece and nephew and miss them when I’m away. I often think, at times such as skiing with Matt, at the American Girl store with Aliya, camping in Maine with them or sitting by the pool watching them swim "is this really what I get paid to do?" I appreciate the children, my time with them and my position. Not only is it my job, but practice for when/if I have a family of my own. In December 2008, I negotiated the year long nanny contract to include: a 4 month extension until December 2009, with a promise to help fill my position when I leave, and they would pay for one master’s course. It was a win-win situation, especially in this economy, to be blessed with a great position I LOVE and more job security for the future. He knows the plans He has for me.


I knew I needed a church community when I moved to Massachusetts, so I did my research before moving. I found a few close to my new home and made plans to check them out ASAP. Now, when I say church, I mean I knew I needed to go to the church and hear His word and grow in my faith. I didn’t think beyond that or have any more expectations. I church shopped for 2 weeks and met a couple who referred me to another church, which had a young adult group starting called Bridge. That group Bridge is now my church, in the community sense of church as God intended. I have since spent immeasurable amounts of time within this group, and with the individuals I now call my friends. We have been worshiping Him, hearing His word, studying His word, camping, at the beach, at the pool, started a book club, playing games, chatting in person and on Facebook for hours on end, bowling, eating, giving and receiving advice, planning and executing events, and all while nurturing my relationship with Him. He knows the plans He has for me.

I was afforded the opportunity to go Guatemala in December, but due to snowy weather it was rescheduled to February. If we had gone in December, Safe Passage would have been closed. I would not have been able to see the sites, the children or the organization during its normal daily activities. I got a tour of the facilities, met the children, saw the dump where they work and the atmosphere of what 6 weeks of service might look like down there. I was overcome and speechless by what I saw. I came to the realization that I didn’t want to go there alone and work with the kids, but instead needed to do service alongside others I knew and I would work better with the adult programming at Safe Passage. That was 6 months ago and I haven’t revisited it yet. He knows the plans He has for me.
The spring 2009 New Zealand trip I had anticipated with my friend Sarah was canceled due to a change of plans. It wasn’t very long after that while chatting with one of my best friends Jaimee, that my Aruba vacation was booked. $600 for 7 days/7 nights at the Marriott and a flight was exception ably cheap and the opportunity was taken! I spent time with Jaimee, which is not easily attained with both of our busy lives, met and enjoyed some of her nurse friends, played hard, relaxed a bit and had one happy week on “One Happy Island’. Although I had New Zealand, with a pit stop in Sydney, Australia in mind, He knows the plans He has for me.

I didn’t graduate in the spring of 2009, as I have one more class left. I was going to go to South Africa with a cultural leadership study abroad program, but have since changed my mind. I was excited to get a chance to go to Africa and jumped at the opportunity. However, the time has come to apply and my feelings have changed. When I think of Africa, I think of my Somali students back during my VISTA post. I want to go where they lived and serve the people there. While it would still be a wonderful opportunity, I am not nearly as excited about it and think I will hold out, save my money and graduate in the spring of 2010 alongside one of my best friends, Allison. Also, I might just be in Peru joining my sister and brother-in-law to bring home a couple new nieces early next spring, so I must save for that! He knows the plans He has for me.

My cousin Tia walked 60 miles for a 3Day Breast Cancer walk in Philadelphia in October 2008. Our Aunt Barb died of breast cancer in the 1970s so we never met her, but she was so very special to her brothers, our fathers. After raising some support and awareness for her, and then hearing about her experience, I decided I too wanted to embrace this opportunity to raise support and awareness for the cause. Thus my 3 Day journey began. I started walking in March with Joy, a Bridge friend I met in January 2 weeks after she got married and moved here from South Carolina. My employers bought me a double stroller to push the kids in while we walked at the mall. 42 very special people sponsored me as I raised $2300 towards the cause. My father was my biggest fan and supporter and it felt great to honor his sister in that way. I surprised myself by walking 20 miles the first day and I have to say, I was proud of me! My mother came and walked with me, my four sisters, brother by law and cousin came to cheer me on Sunday, and some of my Bridge friends, including Joy, came to the finish line and closing ceremonies. I ended up walking 50 of the 60 miles due to blisters, but I finished and will be doing it next year with my father on the crew, and maybe even as a part of the San Diego walk! He knows the plans He has for me.

I was given 2 weeks paid vacation at the end of August when my employers take their vacation. When I found out I decided I too must take a vacation. Where will I go? Well my friend Katie lives in Los Angeles and had said I could come for a visit. I wrote her with the dates I wanted to come and booked the tickets the next day. I spent 5 days in Los Angeles with Katie, who was the best hostess ever! We crammed in so much in those 5 days that I have wanted to see forever and had such an amazing time. He knows the plans He has for me.

The summer of 2009 should probably have its own song in the soundtrack of my life, much like Brian Adam’s summer of ’69. While music and falling in love aren’t the topics of my summer of ’09 song, it has been some of the best days of my life. I went camping on my Mimi’s 100 acres and with my Bridge friends, had numerous cookouts with family and friends, spent time at pools, lakes, and oceans (Atlantic and Pacific), walked in the 3Day, had my 10 year high school reunion, saw Blue Man Group, went to Los Angeles and most importantly, I did this all while being single. I dated me and filled my single scrapbook with all things Tarsha! He knows the plans He has for me.

I planned my year; I filled it with adventures, destinations, and some dating experiences too. He had bigger opportunities and obstacles for me though. I grow and learn so much from each of the experiences. I prayed for patience and He’s coming through for me. I think He needs to hurry up sometimes, but given my plans verses His plans for this past year, I’m going to practice this patience thing a bit longer! For He knows the plans He has for me!


Dear God,
You are an amazingly beautiful and wonderful designer! You know my needs and wants when I cannot even identify them. You know my future and that of my friends and family too. I am so thankful that my parents made God a part of my life and that my faith is in you. Thank you God for all of the opportunities I have been given in this past year alone. Thank you for the awesome people you have placed in my life and the not so awesome ones you placed there for me to learn from. Thank you for keeping me healthy and able to walk in the 3Day when others weren’t afforded the chance. Thank you for providing me with the people and funds to participate and the support along the way that kept me going. Thank you for this wonderful job you gave me that is preparing me to be a mother and allowing me to work through all my fears around it. Thank you for the grace you have bestowed upon me as I make some of the same mistakes over and over and over again. I am a work in progress and long to get it right, but I stumble and you lift me up. Did I mention I feel like I don’t deserve this? I am abundantly blessed Lord and I know you deserve all the glory. This life isn’t about me and I long to serve you anywhere anytime. Thank you for the happiness and the smile I wake up with each day and the people I get to share it with. I know how very lucky I am to be blessed with my health, my socioeconomic status, my family, friends, and even my skin color. I am trying not to take these for granted Lord, and I am asking you now to keep me focused and centered on you and your will for my life. Please be with my friends and family that don’t know you like I do, that they might come to and be eternally grateful.

In Jesus name,
Amen

P.S. You know I’m serious about going anyplace anytime to serve your people. I know you have plans for me better than I can imagine.

So, there's this boy...

I've mentioned him a few times. We've spent some quality time together. He's sweet, smart, and handsome. We've been to the movies and shopping together, gone to the museum, church, and to Maine to meet the family. He thinks I am beautiful and compliments me often. He has even volunteered with me and met my friends. My Dad likes him and he believes in Jesus. We've had some heated discussions (conversations-disagreements, etc.) where it turned out I was right. He acknowledged this and said "Your right". He'll ride his bike while I train for my walk and he also wants to help the children in Africa who don't have clean water and healthy food to eat. What more could a girl ask for?!

Well, this boy, who has kind of stole my heart, is four and a half. He calls me Tosha. :) Who says I need a husband, when I have a little man like this?!

I was gonna save these for Wordless Wednesday...

But a VERY funny story now accompanies the photos. And, well, the story requires words!

So I have been planning a trash the dress/try out the new camera with my photographer brother-in-law Ben for sometime now. The Saturday before I left for Aruba (more to come on that adventure soon) it all came together and we had a photo shoot. We went to a consignment shop and bought the white dress for $30 and the veil for $10. Before we went home to put some make-up on me and style my hair, we stopped at Shop'n'Stop for $6 flowers. We then headed to the beach, playground, train tracks, church, and a candy store. Let me tell you the ways as a bride, yes a make believe marrying myself bride, can get hit on! I got beeped at, whistled at, told I was beautiful, complimented on my stained/snagged wedding dress and $6 bouquet and proposed to! Who knew? It was so much fun, I mean what girl doesn't like getting all dressed up sassy and going places?! We celebrated Tracy and Ben's birthday with a marvelous sushi dinner (the reception) and I left for Aruba (my honeymoon) early the following morning. You'll see where I am going with this momentarily.

On Friday morning, almost a week after the photo shoot and I headed to Aruba, my Dad walks into the country store in my little small hometown in Maine. He sees an old acquaintance who starts raving about what a beautiful bride I made. Confused, my dad asks what he means, and said acquaintance takes out his cell phone, (signs onto Facebook) and shows my Dad eight photos with me in full bridal gear! My dad is dumbfounded to say the least. Keep in mind that I am his last single daughter and he knows I am in Aruba. All kinds of things are running through his mind now. Why wasn't I invited? Is she on her honeymoon? She said she was going with friends. Who did she marry?

Poor guy! He didn't mention to anyone all day while he stressed and tried to make sense of it. Neither one of my parents are technologically savvy, and especially not my Dad! When I was studying abroad in England during undergrad, he attempted Instant Messaging me, and this is what it looked like - hitarshahowareyouimissyouhopeyouarehavingagoodtime, which took him over a minute to type. But I digress. While the photos were enough to cause a small panic attack, he did remember seeing Corey Pro on the photos. He decided with four other daughters who always spill the beans, it simply couldn't be true. He called Tracy and giggling he said to her "I just went by some train tracks where my daughter got married." When Tracy was confused, he explained his story of seeing his last daughter married off in pictures and the toll it took on him!

So that's the story of my wedding and honeymoon, I mean my photo shoot and 10 year friendship anniversary vacation with Jaimee! But to my Dad an outsider who only sees a few photos, its a whole different story!

"Will there be a husband there for you Tosha?"

I went to the Fire fighter's Ball last weekend, by myself...as in no date. I got a dress at a consignment shop, high-heeled shoes to match, and some sassy jewelry too! As I always do, I shared this fun information with my cherubs and showed them my fancy ball gown. And you'll never guess what Matthew said...well OK maybe you can guess! "Will there be a husband there for you Tosha?" It's so nice that he thinks/cares about when my future husband (?!) will finally show his face! :)

Aliya and the Chipmunks

Aliya got a new CD for selling a Reader's Digest in the school magazine sales drive. It is the Alvin and the Chipmunks CD. I have heard the entire CD 4,256 times through, (that's estimating) and a few select songs more than that.
In a way, Alvin's character and the CD are appropriate representations of our little life here. Instead of the well known "AAAAAALLLLVIIIIIIINN!!!!!!" that Dave yells to get Alvin's attention when he goes off on a tangent, I often find myself saying (not yelling so much as being obnoxious to actually get her attention) AAAAALLLLLIIIIIIIIYYYYAAAAAA when she goes off on a tangent. These tangents are usually after a task has been discussed (clean up time) and involve escaping to her bedroom, making a new mess, and/or hiding toys as a way of 'taking care of them'. Much like Alvin, Aliya has always got an agenda, her enthusiasm is boundless and despair bottomless. She always has off-the-cuff play ideas, which she narrates to her brother, (so he'll know what to do) and can come up with an injury that is probably the worst anyone has ever had. She often forgets to limp or baby her injuries and then forgets about them before too long, or until next time. Never and always are well used words in her vocabulary! "I never get to play what I want" and "he always gets to pick first" are some examples. Also, like Alvin, Aliya is the leader of the group she is in. She'll take the lead and start playing, dancing, singing, marching, etc.
After 2,225 times of Alvin and the Chipmunks playing through, I asked Aliya what she knew about the Chipmunks.
Aliya: "Alvin is aways getting in trouble, Simon is smart, but Theodore is the smartest and nicest. He is always reading a book. "
Me: "Oh I like him the best then. We want husbands like that someday, dont we?! A smart and nice man who reads a lot."
Aliya: "Well, um, Eric is like that Tarsha. He's smart and nice. He can dance and sing..."

She lost me after that. I am so glad her Eric is everything she wants him to be. I hope she finds this in a real man someday and is not disappointed! :)

I rented the Kit Kittredge movie from redbox for $1 a night! I had the kids later last night, so after dinner we watched it. Kit lived during the Great Depression and her parents took in borders to make ends meet. One of the borders -a lady- was always introducing herself to men, mentioning she was Miss not Mrs., and inquiring about if these men had wives. Kids don't notice these things, but after several obvious gestures, I giggled and said, "She is looking for a husband!" Matthew didn't miss a beat and said, "Just like you!" Yup, just like me... but I hope I don't act like this lady did, she was truly obnoxious!

The boy is feeling better. He missed soccer yesterday but cried when I said skiing would be a lot of work for him. He chirpped up after getting his sister at school and so I got him ready for skiing lessons. I figured the worst that could happen was he would need to stop lessons early. Oh no, he got through lessons like a champ and did great. I caught some on camera and will upload later.

"anybody wanna cuddle?"

Matthew was sick today. He stayed in bed and slept on and off, between coughs, until 12:30pm. I actually woke him up by getting him dressed for a doctor appointment. It was a well visit, but good timing. Samantha and Robbie (neighbor kids - who Matt LOVES) came over to play outside with Aliya. Matt was sorely disappointed when he got home and I felt sad for him. I invited them in to have hot cocoa and so Matthew could see them. They were running, jumping and hollering around the house, but Matt just sat in the chair with a smile. I could see he was tired and didn't have any energy, but also didn't want to miss anything. I recommended Samantha read him a story. She did, and he laid down on the couch and fell asleep. I woke him for dinner because he hadn't eaten all day. I told him I would make whatever he wanted, because I wanted him to eat. He opted for a waffle and some Sprite, and I added cantaloupe. After eating it, he said ever so sweetly to Aliya and I, "anybody wanna cuddle?" I scooped him right up and we cuddled until his mom took over when she got home.

Our Father,

who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name.

Thy Kingdom come,

thy will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom,

the power and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen

Thank you Lord for my job, especially during this economic crisis when others are losing theirs hourly. Thank you for my family, my friends, and my health. Thank you for the opportunity to go to school, the time off my employers give me so I can, and the car I have to drive there. Thank you for the friendships I have made here and the friendships I have in Maine. Please keep my people safe and healthy as sickness runs ramped. Please help Matthew feel better so he will be able to go to skiing tomorrow. He will be sorely disappointed in me if he can't go.

I know you have a plan for me and I am eager to fulfil my purpose Lord. Help me to see it clearly and be the girl you want me to be. I often wonder if it will be Guatemala, Africa, or the good ole US of A where I end up. I wonder if I will meet my husband before I go, will I meet him there? Do I know him or are you still preparing him for me? The only thing I know Lord, is that I am content in knowing you have it all planned. Thank you for all you are and all you have made me.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

P.S. Thanks for at least cluing Matthew in on the whole husband thing, even if you haven't filled me in yet. He hasn't asked lately why I am not married and why I don't have children, and this is a good thing.

All kinds of adventures...

Matthew would like a basketball hoop and hot wheels track.

Aliya REALLY wants a Samantha American Girl Doll.
Decorating 1 of the 4 Christmas trees.

Last week we decorated for Christmas, a lot. The house seems to be transformed more and more each day. The kids wrote letters to Santa and I delivered them to him myself last weekend when I went to the North Pole. Annie (Mom) thought that was the fastest and most efficient way to get the letter to Santa. I agreed and it was my pleasure to bring him their letters :)

Have I mentioned I love my job? I actually got a nap on Monday with Matthew! He was tired after his snack and said he wanted to rest. I got my crocheting and went to lay with him. After some squirming and chatting, he fell asleep. I was on the edge of the bed, because everytime I would move to get a little space, he would move closer. I decided I did not have adequate space to crochet any longer, so I stopped and cuddled a full cuddle. Well, I woke up over an hour later, in the same position -almost falling of the bed with the little man thisclose. He went on to sleep almost another hour.

During a conversation in the car last week, Aliya mentioned "Mommy said Jesus was God, and Daddy said God was Jesus. Its really confusing to me." I couldn't help but add my two cents. "Well actually He is three in one Aliya, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit."

Matthew piped in with his 4 year old knowledge to set us both straight. "God is Jesus' father and Jesus is God's son Aliya!" Out of the mouth of babes!

I was reading to the kids last night and Matt was sitting on my lap. He wanted to pretend I was the mom and he was the baby Grinch. This turned into the whole 'when are you going to get married and be a mom' conversation. I asked them if I could ask Santa for a husband and if they thought I could ask him for a baby as well?! Matthew said I could marry him, which is a new thing, because just last week they had me marrying Jack, the 12 year old boy who lives next door. Aliya says she is going to marry Robbie, Jack's 7 year old brother, and Matthew said he is going to marry Samantha, their 10 year old sister. Oh to be 6 or 4 again, their world is so small and simple!

So, the American Girl doll Samantha is sitting in my closet! She came earlier than expected and will indeed make one little girl VERY happy in 14 days. Aliya talks about when Santa brings her, not if he brings her. She asked me if we could go to the American Girl store after Christmas to get her some more clothes. Samantha will need more clothes than just the ones she comes in after all. Oh boy, I can hardly wait!

I took the kids Christmas shopping for their gifts. We had already discussed that I would bring them shopping, they would pick out things they liked, and I would buy it. However, I would bring the gift to Guatemala to give to a child that lives at the dump. I will take a picture of the child who gets it, if possible, so the kids can see their gift making someone else happy. I explained that God likes it when we give things to others and that we have a lot, while others don't have anything. It was so precious to see these kids picking out things they wanted, knowing they weren't actually going to be able to keep it. Aliya picked out Tinkerbell and Hannah Montana stuff and Matthew picked out balls and dinosaur stuff. I hope that this is only the beginning of their philanthropic side :)

I was woken up at 5am this morning by being sat on. Peter was away last night and Annie left at 4am to go to Texas for a conference, so I was the go to girl this morning. We talked about this for 2 days, so both kids would feel comfortable knowing mommy and daddy weren't going to be here, and they could come down to my room. Aliya jumped at the opportunity and climbed right on me bright and early. It took me a second to realize what was happening, then I just moved over, made space and we both went back to sleep. Again, I had a little face thisclose to mine and I got kicked a few times, but nothing to worry about.

I am headed to New York City this weekend to see it in all its Christmas glory! It has been something I have wanted to do for a long time. Tracy, Ben, my best friend Allison and my traveling companion Mike are all coming. I hope to get lots of pictures!

I have a crush...

A blog crush that is!

Blog world is funny. It is sort of like reading a book, watching a movie, or listening to your favorite radio personalities. The relationship (if you can call it that) with the blogger is one sided. You come to know a lot about a person through their posts, but they don't even know you exist.

With that said, I have officially deemed my crush 'my blog boyfriend!' You see, my sisters and I use to call the boys we had small crushes on at church our 'church boyfriend'. It was simply a label, a young girl's silly way to express appreciation for his qualities, and it made for some interesting conversations. Later in my professional life, I referred to (only within the office of course!) the reporter who helped me market my fundraising events as my 'media boyfriend'. Again, just a label referencing the appreciation I had for him and what he offered for a good cause. My blog boyfriend shares his feelings, follows and seeks Christ, and seems like an amazing husband and father. As a single Christian woman seeking just those qualities in a man, I appreciate him. Seeing as I have come to know him through his blog, 'blog boyfriend' seems appropriate and harmless. :)

I found this on a blog the other day and laughed right out loud! I had to add it to this post, seeing as it provoked it. :-)

Looking at the very trusted, often advised Urban Dictionary I find the definition of a crush to be: 1. The act of falling hard for someone even though it is not love yet.
2. A person you find to be attractive (physically, mentally, whatever)
3. An amazing thing that gives you feelings of nerves and excitement whenever you see them.
There was no listing for a “blog crush” so I decided to define it myself. For me it has to meet certain criteria:

1. I can’t wait to read what they post next.
2. I want to be at minimum friends with them.
3. I think they are the shiznit.
4. I find them attractive: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or whatever floats my boat.
5. If I were to meet them in person, my skin may turn a nice shade of red.


P.S. I have resorted to romance novels. They are nice mix between Aliya's imaginary boyfriend and my blog boyfriend. I can forget about them for a few days, curl up with them after a long day, or just daydream I am the lucky girl in love with a wonderful man. And all the while there is no temptation, no need to 'fluff' a man's ego, no getting let down and no worry about disappointing anyone. Its not ideal, but its something.

A Date, Dolls and a Death

What a weekend...

Friday night I had a date planned, but he stood me up?!? I don't have a horror story; I didn't end up at a restaurant by myself and I wasn't all dressed up with no where to go, he just never called. So, I have sworn off men for the entire month of November. I am happy to report it is going very well so far! :)

On Saturday, Aliya and I met Tanya, Tracy, Tricia, Trina and Hannah at the grand opening of the new Natick American Girl store!
"Look at that outfit, it is so cute!"
"I'm going to buy this one."
"Do you think she needs glasses? She doesn't have many accessories."
"She NEEDS jeans to go with her Chicago, New York and now Boston t-shirt!"
"What's your favorite? Mine is the cowgirl outfit with the horse."

These comments are all from the big girls of course! Imagine, 5 grown women (Downing sisters at that) in a doll store, far more excited than either little girl was! Aliya wanted a book and Hannah wanted one sweatshirt for her doll. If I were their ages again, I would have been way more impressed! Heck I was NOW at my age! Us big girls thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and Cornis (Hannah's American Girl doll) made out better than any sister did all day. She got a Boston shirt (to go with her Chicago and New York City shirts Tracy and I got her when we went to the American Girl stores in those cities), a sweatshirt, and an entire outfit including the must have jeans, a shirt, and shoes! There was the option of getting your American Girl doll's hair done, but I saved the day and $10 by doing it myself for Hannah and Cornis at Aunt Tracy's house. It was another successful sister shopping trip and we gave new meaning to shop until you drop! Here is Miss Hannah girl 2 minutes after sitting in the car...

On a lighter note, today has been a very long and sad day, and the hour we gained only had a small part in it. You see, Chance, my sister Tracy's much desired, much dreamed about and much begged for first puppy, went to Heaven today. She was 12 1/2 years old and her body was failing her. She couldn't walk, wasn't eating and had a hard time getting things out :( This is no way for a loved one to live, even when you don't want them to go. Tracy and my brother-in-law Ben had to make the decision of when. After a long night last night, they called the vet this morning and got a 10am appointment. Tanya sent pumkin bread, a personal favorite of Chance's since stealing a whole loaf as a puppy. She didn't care for the donut hole or doggy bone we gave her, but when the pumpkin bread arrived, she eagerly ate 2 muffins and wagged her tail. What a way to go out! We'll miss you Chance. Thanks for the memories and say hi to Grampa for us. I'm sure he was so very happy to see you!

My Vow to Myself

I vow to honor and value myself for all that I have inside.
Be happy and comfortable and know I am valuable to the world.
Be true to my heart and soul.
Be humbled by God’s plan for my life.

Silence the voices around me and live to honor Him.

I vow to keep life in perspective.
Be grateful for the small miracles of each day and thank Him for them.
Be a positive person but know that life is not always perfect.
Accept that which cannot be changed with grace.
Smile a lot. Never be afraid to be "me".
Be silly and sweet, sexy and innocent, shy and outgoing - all at once.
Never lose sight of the most important things in life ~ faith, family and friendship.
Always possess those most important qualities of honesty and sincerity.
Be loving, giving, trusting, and open. Always appreciate my friends and family

and the love they have brought to my life.

I vow to be selfless, kind, forgiving, generous, and nurturing
But strong enough to not be taken advantage of.
Have the strength to make my own decisions.
Know that I have done the best that I could in the moment.
Not judge myself for the decisions I made in the past.

I vow to not lose sight of the strong woman I have become.
Remember how much I have grown and how far I have come.
Remember although I must accept what I cannot control,
I must seize that which I can.

Remember that although I have learned to live alone and be happy,
It does not make me weak to want to share a bond with someone else,

But only a person who has much to give and share.

I vow to live my life to the fullest. To cherish this life I have been given.

Continue to live with no regrets and be the kind of person that I am proud of.
Truly LIVE life and be content with what I have experienced,

what I have felt, and the love that I have shared.
To know that wherever I go,
I can and will leave behind a mark in the hearts of others.

This is my vow.

~Unknown, but edited by me~

Matthew, this is why I don't have a husband!

******It must be said that I got this posts content (and the last) online. It is not my original idea.******* Thanks for thinking I am so brilliant though Mike! :)

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate

DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support

"Why aren't you married?" and "How come you don't have kids?"

Matthew has asked me these questions repeatedly since I have been here. I'm not sure yet if he wishes I did so that I'd have some other kids to feed healthy food to, or if he really just wants me to be paired off. At first he offered his father up, but quickly did a take back because his dad is his and Aliya's father. Right, not to mention he already has a wife which takes him off the market, but I'm glad we got that settled! Then he called my niece and nephews my kids for a few days. "Do your kids have hot wheels cars? Do you take your kids apple picking?" I explained that I was only their aunt and that those children in the pictures have a mommy and daddy. So this week he asked me again, as if the answer is going to change right?!
So it came to me that I don't have a husband because there isn't a man with just the right combination of my father, my brother-in-laws, and some of my male friends, YET. My mother has always said that I see the world through rose colored glasses, so this ones for you Mom. My knight in shining armor is still a boy in aluminum foil. He is still learning the tricks of the trade, and when he grows into a man and earns his knighthood, I'm sure he'll be right along to join me and we'll compliment each other nicely :)

I do know one thing though...
"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek him in order to find her."

I'm not in a hurry, I don't have too high of expectations, and quite frankly, I am OK being single. I need a blanket statement for the children in my life though. They seem to be the only ones concerned!

"But Tarsha, you have Papa!"

In March, I cancelled my wedding. I called the florist, the photographer, the band, the cake maker, the caterer, the church, and much to my dismay, the Party Booth company, to cancel the reservation I had with them for 08-08-08. It was not meant to be. I realized it was much easier to cancel a wedding than get a divorce, something I never want to do. After ending the engagement and then the relationship altogether by July, I found myself doing a lot of explaining. I got a lot of apologies (people are uncomfortable with endings) and questions. I was, and still am, OK with the whole thing, but others seem a bit leery, including the littlest people in my life.
For the past year anyway, when the kids would see me, it would be accompanied by a smile and "Where's Owen?" I would then explain that he was working, at his parents, or joining me in a little while. After the breakup, which I and their parents explained, "Where's Owen" didn't stop. I would show up alone - "Where's Owen?", my cell phone would ring, "Is that Owen?"
After several weeks I decided to explain to my niece Hannah about being single. She is very smart, so I leveled with her. "You know how Mommy has Daddy, Tracy has Ben, Tricia has Matt and Trina has Rob? Well Aunt Tarsha has nobody. I am single. I don't have a partner or a boyfriend or a fiance. Owen is not going to come with me anymore because I am not going to marry him and he isn't my boyfriend either. It's just me now." Well she didn't miss a beat and came back with "But Tarsha, you have Papa!"
She's right, I do have Papa. I have lived with my father since going back to school for my Master's Degree and through my year of service. I am very fortunate to have my Dad's support. He's a great housemate and friend. He keeps tabs on my car maintenance - I balance his checkbook. He washes the dishes - I pay his bills online. He brings home Thai food, and well I help him eat it! :) Thanks Daddy!
Hannah's comment got me thinking. Not only do I have my earthly father, but I have my Heavenly Father too. He is with me when I show up to a place alone where everyone else is paired off. He is with me when it seems no one else cares. He loves me and He has a plan for all of my days. As a matter of fact, I'm sure he's got a bigger plan for me than I could ever imagine.

Dear God,
Thank you for my health, my family, and my friends. Thank you for my opportunities and my trials alike. Thank you for guiding me through these past few months and for letting these past few months happen the way they did. I could not have come out so changed without you Lord.
Please keep an extra close eye on me in this next few weeks as I journey to a new home, new job, and new adventure. Please give me the energy to play, the wisdom to make good choices and the patience and understanding to work with my new friends Aliya and Matthew. Please also give them patience and understanding with me.
Please be with my Dad as he learns to semi-manage his checkbook without me. Please be with my family as they adjust to various changes in jobs, childcare, and life in general. Please keep them safe and happy.
I know you have a plan for me Lord and I long to walk in your way. Please make me aware so people will see you when they see me. I want to serve you Lord and your people.
In Jesus name,
Amen

P.S. If you are taking requests, think Africa and Guatemala! :) I would love to serve your people there Lord!