In March, I cancelled my wedding. I called the florist, the photographer, the band, the cake maker, the caterer, the church, and much to my dismay, the Party Booth company, to cancel the reservation I had with them for 08-08-08. It was not meant to be. I realized it was much easier to cancel a wedding than get a divorce, something I never want to do. After ending the engagement and then the relationship altogether by July, I found myself doing a lot of explaining. I got a lot of apologies (people are uncomfortable with endings) and questions. I was, and still am, OK with the whole thing, but others seem a bit leery, including the littlest people in my life.
For the past year anyway, when the kids would see me, it would be accompanied by a smile and "Where's Owen?" I would then explain that he was working, at his parents, or joining me in a little while. After the breakup, which I and their parents explained, "Where's Owen" didn't stop. I would show up alone - "Where's Owen?", my cell phone would ring, "Is that Owen?"
After several weeks I decided to explain to my niece Hannah about being single. She is very smart, so I leveled with her. "You know how Mommy has Daddy, Tracy has Ben, Tricia has Matt and Trina has Rob? Well Aunt Tarsha has nobody. I am single. I don't have a partner or a boyfriend or a fiance. Owen is not going to come with me anymore because I am not going to marry him and he isn't my boyfriend either. It's just me now." Well she didn't miss a beat and came back with "But Tarsha, you have Papa!"
She's right, I do have Papa. I have lived with my father since going back to school for my Master's Degree and through my year of service. I am very fortunate to have my Dad's support. He's a great housemate and friend. He keeps tabs on my car maintenance - I balance his checkbook. He washes the dishes - I pay his bills online. He brings home Thai food, and well I help him eat it! :) Thanks Daddy!
Hannah's comment got me thinking. Not only do I have my earthly father, but I have my Heavenly Father too. He is with me when I show up to a place alone where everyone else is paired off. He is with me when it seems no one else cares. He loves me and He has a plan for all of my days. As a matter of fact, I'm sure he's got a bigger plan for me than I could ever imagine.
Thank you for my health, my family, and my friends. Thank you for my opportunities and my trials alike. Thank you for guiding me through these past few months and for letting these past few months happen the way they did. I could not have come out so changed without you Lord.
Please keep an extra close eye on me in this next few weeks as I journey to a new home, new job, and new adventure. Please give me the energy to play, the wisdom to make good choices and the patience and understanding to work with my new friends Aliya and Matthew. Please also give them patience and understanding with me.
Please be with my Dad as he learns to semi-manage his checkbook without me. Please be with my family as they adjust to various changes in jobs, childcare, and life in general. Please keep them safe and happy.
I know you have a plan for me Lord and I long to walk in your way. Please make me aware so people will see you when they see me. I want to serve you Lord and your people.
In Jesus name,
P.S. If you are taking requests, think Africa and Guatemala! :) I would love to serve your people there Lord!