Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Sharing is Caring

Sharing- to allow someone to use or enjoy something that one possesses

Caring - to be concerned or interested, to provide needed assistance or watchful supervision

Sharing is caring. I believe this to be true on the playground and with resources one might have that can help another or brighten their day.  I believe the more we share the more we have. Like love.

It's also the sacrificial part of sharing that represents caring. (Think candy bar!) This is mine. I like this and I like you too. Ill giveyou some of this so that you can enjoy this too. I will now (physically) have less of this, but I will be able to watch you enjoy this too, and that is (almost) better than more this! :). And it might just brighten their day!

All that to say I believe in sharing. I'm a sharer. It's in my blood people, I grew up with four sisters and 1 bathroom.

But not everything is to be shared. 

My daughter was deemed an orphan. There are many ways this can happen. She has a story, like we all do, about the first 4 1/2 years of her life. This story has been shared with me, her Mommy (kind of an important person!)  It can be shared, by her, when she deems it ok. It's herthis to share. Until then, sharing it doesn't help others or brighten their day. 

My daughter is going to be adopted. It's going to happen once. Adoption is a way that a family is made. It's not something to be ashamed of or kept secret, but once it's finalized, it's not a verb that happens again every day of her life. 

My daughter has a biological mother. There is a story about how they separated. There is also a story about how this woman chose life. I'm choosing to share that.  My daughter has a biological father and there is a story about how they separated. Adoption is born of loss and separation. It's beauty from ashes. I'm going to acknowledge the loss my daughter has endured (and address it as I see fit) and adopt her into my family at 4 1/2.  Sharing about her biological mother and father or her loss isn't going to help anybody or brighten their day. 

I'm a first time parent. I've been an after school homework helper, summer camp counselor, nanny, Aspirations VISTA and most important thus far, an Aunt. I am aware that none of the above will have prepared me enough for parenting. These positions were mostly a) paid work or b) part time in the grand scheme of life or c) pure enjoyment of my nieces and nephews. I had nights and weekends off or I worked nights and weekends. I gave these children back to their parents and I went to do what I do after caring for these little people. For many years now I've acknowledged that I will parent different than I was a nanny and different than I am an aunt. Cue sharing. I don't need to be told this. If it helps, I've considered this aspect of becoming a parent for years now. I've acknowledged it's different and harder. It's also beautiful and rewarding; I'm sharing that part! I appreciate (solicited) advice and I'm not against constructive criticism. However, I did not go into this blindly. I've considered, researched, and asked questions about many aspects of single parenting, adoption, attachment, having a boyfriend and a child, time, money, and countless other necessities. I've got it covered.  Please note that I'm an adult and I'm human, so I get to make these choices and I will not be perfect at any of it! Grace people, grace. I'm asking you to grant me some grace as I step into parenting. I am a new mom through international adoption who is in a foreign country trying to bond, attach, and get to know my daughter. 

Consider this your sacrificial part of sharing in these departments. "I won't share this right now because while I might feel like I'm helping or brightening someone's day, they may not receive this that way at this time."  You might also consider "is this really my business?"

Please listen to what I do share. Just listen. You don't need to respond with a story of your own, advice on how to do such and such, or even ask questions. Just listen.  I'll share what I am comfortable with sharing. If you just listen, you'll hear our story. 

So not sharing in various situations is actually caring. It is typical to be interested in adoption related and/or new parent topics and I appreciate that. My job as Imani's mommy is to protect her and not constantly question my choices and consider everyone elses ways of doing it. 

I'm completely immersed in this life changing event and ready as I'll ever be with the One who wrote my story. Please join me on this adventure with these truths in mind!

1 comment:

Kristen said...

When you get back and are feeling "settled," let's get the girls together. It sounds like they are similar in age. We have a great little pool and a swingset in the back. And a dog that LOVES kids! If you have questions or need anything, you just let me know! I am thinking about you!